~ FROM EXPECTATIONS INSIDE A FAMILY
Growing up, I never heard a conversation about gay people, only a stray comment in
my family. It was easy to glean from this, that it was "forbidden" or in the
least, unacceptable to think being gay is natural. As an adult, it became clear that homosexuality is totally unacceptable inside my family. I, personally, accept that no one
chooses, but is born, whatever way you and I are. Being born straight, being born other than straight, weren't
supposed to be thought of as equally acceptable in my family.
I have been the outsider inside my family. I didn't choose this role. It was appointed by my family members. Seems like for the whole of my life. Because I am different in what I believe. And don't believe. To me, whatever way a person is, is equally
acceptable. Saying this inside my family, actually takes courage. Seems like this shouldn't be true, at my age. But age doesn't change your family's expectations.
For me, human rights is an important issue: acceptance, welcoming. Encouraging. I want to be a part of a world that doesn't
make 13 or 18 year olds, someone of any age, feel they aren't fully worthy of acceptance for who they are. The
result of society, religion or family judgment can easily become anxiety,
depression, or suicide.
I love being
fully present, fully me. Fully alive. The isolation, the alienation, the
despair to have to hide who I am, because who I am doesn't fit the acceptable
person, others deem me to project, can easily suck the vibrant life out of me. Being myself inside my family has never been easy. I'm considered to be a sinner. Not by me. Just by the others in the family.
A child is just a child. No child says,
I think I will be heterosexual. Or something else. Being born into a world
that decides who is and isn't acceptable due to things that by birth are what
they are, can create a confusing world and a hole that is hard to live in. I
want to be part of a world that loves people for who they are. And supports,
honors, appreciates, heals, not denigrates or dismisses souls. That is a world
we can dream of only if every soul is welcome, nurtured to truly, wholly, be
who they are born to be.
There are
choices. We can choose to love with judgment or choose to love without
judgment. But love that judges cripples. We make
decisions every day that bring light to the world. Or contribute to the world
- by way of speech and behavior - that creates an atmosphere that is inhibiting or
limiting to someone else.
I am coming out to say this deliberately. Because remaining in the background is to be part of the problem of which many young people feel unaccepted, alienated and have to hide their true feelings. I feel this is not healthy mentally, which follows, is not healthy physically. Because I also think mind and body health is connected and one affects the other.
The article Russell Tovey - the unlikely lad is 3 years old.
Excerpt from the article: At school he always had girlfriends.
It was only when he got into his mid-teens that he realised they didn't do that
much for him, that he was attracted to boys. "Looking back, I always knew.
But you don't really know till you get to a point where you go, oh, that's what
makes me happier." At 18, he came out to his family and his father tried
to talk him out of it. "My dad was of that generation where it's
changeable if you get it early enough."
How would he
have changed you? "Hormone
therapy or shock treatment, all of these horror things that you watch. You see,
they had all this Aids thing. It was all, 'Don't die of ignorance.' My nan
thought being gay was a disease. It's just a generational, educational thing.
And Dad was like, 'I wish you would have told us sooner because we would have
done something about it.'" Were you
surprised by the reaction? "No, I
was prepared for it." Was it based
on prejudice or fear? "Not
knowing. Not knowing anybody else who is gay, not experiencing it, hearing of
people dying of Aids and seeing, say, Larry Grayson on TV and thinking, that's
it. Seeing gay men appear in stories in which they were miserable and sad. And
I think he felt sad and worried for me, that I'd have a terrible life if I made
this choice. And he thought it was a choice, because being straight is so
natural, why would you want to be anything different from that?"
It's touching
how determined Tovey is to understand his family's fears of his sexuality. "You
want your kids to be perfect and at that time it felt like it was an
imperfection. Whereas now a lot of people are like [enthusiastic voice], 'Are
you? Cool! Well, make sure you look after yourself.' It seems like it's a
different time. I sense that with younger generations, when they have
after-school clubs where they talk about being gay. I meet a lot of kids who've
come out at school, and I'm like, 'What! You came out at school! Did you get
bullied?' 'No!'" He smiles.
He's just remembered something that amuses him. "My mum used to think it
was the pill that made you gay. There was too much estrogen in the water, and
people started taking the pill in the 60s and it made everybody gay.
September 16, 2016, I started a facebook page Russell Tovey Planet
My previous blog
I now blog about Rafa Nadal exclusively at Rafa Nadal Bring Back Sleeveless
