Thursday, April 20, 2017

For Rose ♫ Lullaby ♫ Swedish




For Rosalie Bliss Hammel
Born February 14, 2017, 7:19 pm
Traditional Swedish Lullaby
Picture February 15, 2017, 11:00 am



Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Legacy of President Obama Regarding Sudan


It would be unconscionable to lift sanctions on a government who has had a history of genocide as an ongoing policy. And a history of lying. I consider it a betrayal if the United States lifts sanctions on the Sudan government. In his first term, President Obama wrote to me that Darfur and Sudan are a priority to his administration. I have seen no sign of this being true. Senator Barack Obama said in his speech at the Save Darfur Rally on April 30, 2006  "If we care, the world will care. If we bear witness, the world will know. If we act, the world will follow." We have done nothing to show we care. If only words could heal ~ and they can play a part, but we need our leaders to have the political will and moral integrity to act on behalf of courage and basic human rights that allow living out a normal lifespan with dignity. We are waiting for the actions of our honorable President to match the words he so eloquently and rightly spoke when he was a U.S. Senator and a Presidential candidate. 
 
There is nothing redeeming about being silent when speaking up is the humane thing to do. The honor and integrity of the human race relies on it. Complicity is not a policy. Complicity comes from a lack of will.  It comes from an administration that has lost its moral compass.  It comes from a world too wrapped up in its self-importance to stop and contemplate just what human disaster will we condemn, if not genocide. Just exactly when is genocide not okay with us? Just exactly which group of people can we turn our backs on and the definition of genocide fits our values? A moral nation needs to stand up for justice. Genocide flourishes when there is no accountability. Where there is a will there is always a way. Where there is no will there is never a way. 
 
One voice won’t stop a genocide, but that is no excuse to be silent. I have never chosen silence regarding Sudan. I cannot imagine lifting sanctions is the honorable thing to do. How can this administration? Omar Hassan Al Bashir is a suspect at large from the International Criminal Court for 10 counts of crimes: 5 counts of crimes against humanity: murder, extermination, forcible transfer, torture, and rape; 2 counts of war crimes: intentionally directing attacks against a civilian population, 3 counts of genocide. The legacy of President Obama and his administration regarding Sudan is already poor, lifting sanctions would make the legacy even worse.  Sandra Hammel

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Thanksgiving Day Will Never Be the Same ~ Sand Creek Massacre November 29, 1864

My body started to cry. I felt it all around my eyes. I felt it in my face cheeks. I felt it in my chest tightening. I felt it in my intestinal area. It felt like my whole body was crying.



I will never feel the same on the day we commemorate Thanksgiving day.



In less than two days, our USA will celebrate a Thanksgiving tradition based on the most horrifying kinds of sins of humankind. We are no better than any other perpetrators of genocide. I thought Nanking was unbearable to read about. The holocaust the world knows. But this. This. We did.



It is all so much clearer now. What this nation is built upon. Read the Declaration of Independence with this in mind.

Here is a portion:  
The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. 
To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world...


He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

And the beginning of the Declaration:  
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. 


 
Today, I was watching the documentary on the Sand Creek Massacre. A Native American was talking of a woman during the massacre: "She was scalped and her hands were holding up her face". 

152 years ago. Our president was Abraham Lincoln*. (Incumbent president, elected Tuesday, November 8, 1864.) 



During the terror, other Cheyenne and Arapaho begged on their knees for mercy. They got none. A white flag had been flying over them. But it didn't change a thing.



Fingers, noses, scalps of Cheyenne, Arapaho were paraded through the white settled town. This is who we were. Who we are. Until. We admit, ask for forgiveness and begin the healing on both sides.



The documentary that I watched today, in its entirety ~






The Sand Creek Massacre was a massacre in the American Indian Wars that occurred on November 29, 1864 ~ 675 to  700 members of the Colorado Territory militia embarked on an attack of Cheyenne and Arapaho Indian villages. The militia was led by U.S. Army Col. John Chivington, a Methodist preacher, as well as a freemason.

I watched the Sand Creek Massacre documentary after I watched this one ~
The Forgotten War
French and Indian War, which is also the seven-year war about who controls North America.




Two Letters Regarding the Sand Creek Massacre

Captain Silas Soule wrote a letter, as did Lt. Joseph Cramer. These two letters were to Major Edward Wynkoop.



The letter by Captain Silas Soule, who served as second in command, to Major Edward Wynkoop regarding Sand Creek Massacre follows unedited.


Fort Lyon, C.T.

December 14, 1864



Dear Ned:



Two days after you left here the 3rd Reg't with a Battalion of the 1st arrived here, having moved so secretly that we were not aware of their approach until they had Pickets around the Post, allowing no one to pass out! They arrested Capt. Bent and John Vogle and placed guards around their houses. They then declared their intention to massacre the friendly Indians camped on Sand Creek.



Major Anthony gave all information, and eagerly Joined in with Chivington and Co. and ordered Lieut. Cramer with his whole Co. to Join the command. As soon as I knew of their movement I was indignant as you would have been were you here and went to Cannon's room, where a number of officers of the 1st and 3rd were congregated and told them that any man who would take part in the murders, knowing the circumstances as we did, was a low lived cowardly son of a bitch.  Capt. Y. J. Johnson and Lieut. Harding went to camp and reported to Chiv, Downing and the whole outfit what I had said, and you can bet hell was to pay in camp.



Chiv and all hands swore they would hang me before they moved camp, but I stuck it out, and all the officers at the Post, except Anthony backed me.  I was then ordered with my whole company to Major A- with 20 days rations. I told him I would not take part in their intended murder, but if they were going after the Sioux, Kiowa’s or any fighting Indians, I would go as far as any of them.  They said that was what they were going for, and I joined them.  We arrived at Black Kettles and Left Hand's Camp at daylight.  Lieut. Wilson with Co.s "C", "E" & "G" were ordered to in advance to cut off their herd. He made a circle to the rear and formed a line 200 yds from the village, and opened fire.



Poor Old John Smith and Louderbeck ran out with white flags but they paid no attention to

them, and they ran back into the tents.  Anthony then rushed up with Co’s “D” “K” & “G” to within one hundred yards and commenced firing.  I refused to fire and swore that none but a coward would. for by this time hundreds of women and children were coming toward us and getting on their knees for mercy.  Anthony shouted, "kill the sons of bitches" Smith and Louderbeck came to our command,

although I am confident there were 200 shots fired at them, for I heard an officer say that Old Smith and any one who sympathized with the Indians, ought to be killed and now was a good time to do it.  The Battery then came up in our rear, and opened on them.  I took my Comp’y across the Creek, and by this time the whole of the 3rd and the Batteries were firing into them and you can form some idea of the slaughter.



When the Indians found there was no hope for them they went for the Creek and got under the banks and some of the bucks got their Bows and a few rifles and defended themselves as well as they could.  By this time there was no organization among our troops, they were a perfect mob – every man on his own hook.  My Co. was the only one that kept their formation, and we did not fire a shot.



The massacre lasted six or eight hours, and a good many Indians escaped.  I tell you Ned it was hard to see little children on their knees have their brains beat out by men professing to be civilized. One squaw was wounded and a fellow took a hatchet to finish her, and he cut one arm off, and held the other with one hand and dashed the hatchet through her brain. One squaw with her two children, were on their knees, begging for their lives of a dozen soldiers, within ten feet of them all firing - when one succeeded in hitting the squaw in the thigh, when she took a knife and cut the throats of both children and then killed herself.  One Old Squaw hung herself in the lodge - there was not enough room for her to hang and she held up her knees and choked herself to death.  Some tried to escape on the Prairie, but most of them were run down by horsemen.  I saw two Indians hold one of anothers hands, chased until they were exhausted, when they kneeled down, and clasped each other around the neck and both were shot together. They were all scalped, and as high as half a dozen taken from one head. They were all horribly mutilated. One woman was cut open and a child taken out of her, and scalped.



White Antelope, War Bonnet and a number of others had Ears and Privates cut off.  Squaws

snatches were cut out for trophies.  You would think it impossible for white men to butcher and

mutilate human beings as they did there, but every word I have told you is the truth, which they do not deny.  It was almost impossible to save any of them.  Charly Autobee save John Smith and Winsers squaw.  I saved little Charlie Bent. Geo. Bent was killed.



Jack Smith was taken prisoner, and murdered the next day in his tent by one of Dunn’s Co. “E”


I understand the man received a horse for doing the job.  They were going to murder Charlie Bent, but I run him into the Fort.  They were going to kill Old Uncle John Smith, but Lt. Cannon and the boys of Ft. Lyon, interfered, and saved him.  They would have murdered Old Bents family, if Col. Tappan had not taken the matter in hand.  Cramer went up with twenty men, and they did not like to buck against so many of the 1st.  Chivington has gone to Washington to be made General, I suppose, and get authority to raise a nine months Reg’t to hunt Indians.  He said Downing will have me cashiered if possible.  If they do I want you to help me.  I think they will try the same for Cramer for he has shot his mouth off a good deal, and did not shoot his pistol off in the Massacre.  Joe has behaved first rate during this whole affair.  Chivington reports five or six hundred killed, but there were not more than two hundred, about 140 women and children and 60 Bucks.  A good many were out hunting buffalo.  Our best Indians were killed.  Black Kettle, One Eye, Minnemic, and Left Hand.  Geo. Pierce of Co. “F” was killed trying to save John Smith.  There was one other of the 1st killed and nine of the 3rd all through their own fault.  They would get up to the edge of the bank and look over, to get a shot at an Indian under them.  When the women were killed the Bucks did not seem to try and get away, but fought desperately.  Charly Autobee wished me to write all about it to you.  He says he would have given anything if you could have been there.



I suppose Cramer has written to you, all the particulars, so I will write half.  Your family is well.  Billy Wilker, Col. Tappen, Wilson (who was wounded in the arm) start for Denver in the morning.  There is no news I can think of.  I expect we will have a hell of a time with Indians this winter.  We have (200) men at the Post – Anthony in command.  I think he will be dismissed when the facts are known in Washington.  Give my regards to any friends you come across, and write as soon as possible.



Yours, SS

(signed) S.S. Soule




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lieutenant Cramer wrote his letter to Major Wynkoop five days later:



Ft. Lyon, C.T.

December 19, 1864

Dear Major:



This is the first opportunity I have had of writing you since the great Indian Massacre, and for a start, I will acknowledge I am ashamed to own [acknowledge] I was in it with my Co. Col. Chivington came down here with the gallant third, known as the Chivington Brigade, like a thief in the dark, throwing his Scouts around the Post, with instructions to let no one out, without his orders, not even the Commander of the Post, and for shame our Comd’g. Officer submitted. Col. Chivington expected to find the Indians in camp below the Com[mand]—but the Major Comd’g told him all about where the Indians were, and volunteered to take a Battalion from the Post and join the Expedition.



Well Col. Chiv. got in about 10 A.M. Nov. 28th and, at 8 P.M., we started with all of the 3d, parts of “H” “C” and “E” of the First, in com’d of Lt. Wilson [and] “K” “D” & “G” in com’d of Major Anthony. Marched all night up Sand [Creek], to the big bend in Sanday [sic] about 15 or 20 miles, above where we crossed on our trip to Smoky Hill and came on to Black Kettles village of 103 lodges, containing not over 500 all told, 350 of which were women and children. Three days previous to our going out, Major Anthony gave John Smith, Lowderbuck [sic] of Co. “G” and a Gov’t driver [Richard Watson Clark], permission to go out there and trade with them, and they were in the village when the fight came off. John Smith came out holding up his hands, and running towards us, when he was shot at by several, and the word was passed along to shoot him. He then turned back, and went to his tent, and got behind some Robes, and escaped unhurt. Lowderbuck [sic] came out with a white flag, and was served the same as John Smith; the driver the same. Well I got so mad I swore I would not burn powder, and I did not. Capt. Soule the same. It is no use for me to try to tell you how the fight was managed, only I think the Officer in command should be hung, and I know when the truth is known it will cashier him. We lost 40 men wounded, and 10 killed. Not over 250 Indians mostly women and children, and I think not over 200 were killed and not over 75 bucks. With proper management they could all have been killed and not lost over 10 men. After the fight there was a sight I hope I may never see again. Bucks, women and children were scalped, fingers cut off to get the rings on them, and this as much with Officers as men, and one of those officers a Major; and a Lt. Col. Cut off Ears of all he came across—a squaw ripped open and a child taken from her, little children shot, while begging for their lives, women shot while on their knees, and with their arms around soldiers a begging for their lives, and all the indignities shown their bodies that ever was heard of, things that Indians would be ashamed to do. To give you some little idea, Squaws were known to kill their own children, and then themselves, rather than to have them taken prisoners. Most of the Indians yielded 4 or 5 scalps. But enough! for I know you are disgusted already. Black Kettle, White Antelope, War Bonnet, Left Hand, Little Robe, and several other chiefs were killed. Black Kettle said when he saw us coming, that he was glad, for it was Major Wynkoop coming to make peace. Left Hand stood with his hands folded across his breast, until he was shot saying: “Soldiers no hurt me—soldiers my friends.” One Eye was killed: was in the employ of Gov’t as spy: came into the Post a few days before, and reported about the Sioux, were going to break out at Learned [Fort Larned, Kansas], which proved true.



After all the pledges made by Major A— to these Indians and then to take the course he did. I think no comments are necessary from me; only I will say he has a face for every man he talks [to]. The action taken by Capt Soule and myself were under protest. Col. C-- was going to have Soule hung for saying there were all cowardly Sons of B---s; if Soule did not take it back, but nary take back with Soule. I told the Col that I thought it murder to jump them friendly Indians. He says in reply: Damn any man or men who are in sympathy with them. Such men as you and Major Wynkoop better leave the U.S. Service, so you can judge what a nice time we had on the trip. I expect Col. C-- and Downing will do all in their power to have Soule, [Lt. Chauncey M.] Cossitt and I dismissed. Well, let them work for what they damn please, I ask no favors of them. If you are in Washington, for God’s sake, Major, keep Chivington from being a Bri’g. Genl, which he expects. I will send you the Denver Papers with this. Excuse this for I have been in much of a hurry.



Very respectfully,

Your Well-wisher



(signed) Jos. A. Cramer





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 The Sand Creek Massacre: profound, symbolic, spiritual, controversial, a site unlike any other in America.

Plan a Visit to The Sand Creek Massacre ~ 8 Hours that changed the Great Plains forever


As 675 cavalrymen came around a prairie bend, the camps of Chiefs Black Kettle, White Antelope, and Left Hand lay in the valley before them.  Chaotic, horrific, tumultuous, and bloody, the events of November 29, 1864 changed the course of history.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






The opening of a national historic site in Colorado helps restore to public memory one of the worst atrocities ever perpetrated on Native Americans


By Tony Horwitz ~ SMITHSONIAN MAGAZINE




Written December 2014



Jeff Campbell worked for 20 years as a criminal investigator for the state of New Mexico. He specialized in cold cases. These days, he applies his sleuthing skills to a case so cold it’s buried beneath a century and a half of windblown prairie.



“Here’s the crime scene,” Campbell says, surveying a creek bed and miles of empty grassland. A lanky, deliberate detective, he cups a corncob pipe to light it in the flurrying snow before continuing. “The attack began in predawn light, but sound carries in this environment. So the victims would have heard the hooves pounding towards them before they could see what was coming.”



Campbell is reconstructing a mass murder that occurred in 1864, along Sand Creek, an intermittent stream in eastern Colorado. Today, less than one person per square mile inhabits this arid region. But in late autumn of 1864, about 1,000 Cheyenne and Arapaho lived in tepees here, at the edge of what was then reservation land. Their chiefs had recently sought peace in talks with white officials and believed they would be unmolested at their isolated camp.



When hundreds of blue-clad cavalrymen suddenly appeared at dawn on November 29, a Cheyenne chief raised the Stars and Stripes above his lodge. Others in the village waved white flags. The troops replied by opening fire with carbines and cannon, killing at least 150 Indians, most of them women, children and the elderly. Before departing, the troops burned the village and mutilated the dead, carrying off body parts as trophies.





Col. John Chivington led the raid. (Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs division)

There were many such atrocities in the American West. But the slaughter at Sand Creek stands out because of the impact it had at the time and the way it has been remembered. Or rather, lost and then rediscovered. Sand Creek was the My Lai of its day, a war crime exposed by soldiers and condemned by the U.S. government. It fueled decades of war on the Great Plains. And yet, over time, the massacre receded from white memory, to the point where even locals were unaware of what had happened in their own backyard.



That’s now changed, with the opening of the Sand Creek Massacre National Historic Site. “We’re the only unit in the National Park Service that has ‘massacre’ in its name,” says the site’s superintendent, Alexa Roberts. Usually, she notes, signs for national historic sites lead to a presidential birthplace or patriotic monument. “So a lot of people are startled by what they find here.”



Visitors are also surprised to learn that the massacre occurred during the Civil War, which most Americans associate with Eastern battles between blue and gray, not cavalry killing Indians on the Western plains. But the two conflicts were closely related, says Ari Kelman, a historian at Penn State University and author of A Misplaced Massacre, a Bancroft Prize-winning book about Sand Creek.



The Civil War, he observes, was rooted in westward expansion and strife over whether new territories would join the nation as free states or slave states. Slavery, however, wasn’t the only obstacle to free white settlement of the West; another was Plains Indians, many of whom staunchly resisted encroachment on their lands.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




One is by Col. John Chivington himself. See the many links of vital importance on the left.


 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The United States presidential election of 1864 was held on Tuesday, November 8, 1864. In this match, incumbent president Republican Abraham Lincoln ran for re-election against Democratic candidate George B. McClellan, who tried to portray himself to the voters as the "peace candidate" who wanted to bring the American Civil War to a speedy end. Lincoln was re-elected president by a landslide in the Electoral College.

Friday, October 14, 2016

GET A GRIP AMERICA ~ OUR BODIES NEVER LIE ~ THEY KEEP THE SCORE

Could you please take one minute and ponder this? Good presidents, real leaders, say things like this.

Donald Trump isn't even close to a good leader. One thing he HAS done is bring all the bigots out. He has been "The Uniter of the Bigots". And, yet, this is what many people want. I will never understand this fact. I heard his supporters last night on the television say that women deserve to have a predator physically, sexually, unprovoked, uninvited, unwanted, get whatever Trump wants to do to them. I read women's comments on a facebook friends' post last night, which said these women are liars, are terrible human beings. The women who are brave to come out and say that Trump assaulted them. LISTEN PEOPLE, no woman WANTS to get double assaulted. Once by a man predator and then by you in the public. I know this from personal experience.

I have had more than one experience. One of the times, I spoke on local network news, in my home, in shadows, speaking of being abused, assaulted by the man in my life. I was asked by the reporter why I wanted only to speak out in shadow. I was a public school teacher. I, also, was protecting that young man at the time. HEAR THAT? I was protecting the man. And so many of us do just that. I have facebook friends now who know him and like him. But for me, he came after me with a knife out of my knife woodblock that my father made. Do you think I WANT to tell you THIS? 

NO, EMPHATICALLY NOT. BUT IT IS PAST TIME WE ALL KEEP THESE PERSONAL, TRAUMATIC, LIFE ALTERING STORIES, TO THE WORSE, TO OURSELVES.

The local hospital emergency room doctor, offered this: It never gets better, it gets worse. He told me this because he had others come into the emergency room. This, was from that experience, that he was sharing with me.

I volunteered to talk to the reporter regarding this issue on TV because Rhode Island congress was deciding on a domestic abuse bill, the time was of essence. And I wanted to help. After the interview, I WAS A TOTAL WRECK, TOTAL MESS. I had no one to support me. Except a Women's Abuse Hotline. I didn't use it that night for support. I had used it prior to that night for support, though. But, the one who ran it, that evening, gave me a cold response to what I just tried to do to help out. Which made me worse of a mess.

Thursday night, October 13, 2016, I watched Anderson Cooper interview the woman. Jessica Leeds, 74, who Trump assaulted. She didn't want to come out. It happened decades ago. But she has been traumatized her whole life by this experience. An experience that he had probably forgotten the day after he did it. She was burdened in her heart over the weekend by the story that broke last Friday. She felt a heavy calling to her soul to come out and speak her story. She told Anderson she never wants to speak about it again in public and hopes she is forgotten by next Monday. There is a nasty post going around, which I read on facebook, that says she is a donor to the Hillary Clinton campaign. Anderson asked her about donating to Hillary's campaign. She said, YES. $5.00 FIVE DOLLARS, folks. She wanted a Hillary button and she could get it by donating the $5.00.

I have never told this story of mine to anyone. But, you ladies and gentlemen, need to get a grip on some uncommon human sense and certainly uncommon decency, at this time. Grow a backbone, get some courage of your own and mine your memories. Because I bet many of you have your own personal stories that you have suppressed, repressed and are oppressed by society, your friends, your family members ~ to keep quiet about your stories. Often the things we need most to express, to get out in the open, we bury in our bodies, that always keep the score and never forget. And these stories ferment in there, inside of us and they do make us anxious, nervous, depressed, suicidal, non-functioning, unhealthy human beings, who grow up and become fathers and mothers to children who need us to be emotionally healthy and whole, the way we were meant to be.

~ I BELIEVE JESSICA LEEDS ~

 The Brave Jessica Leeds, 74, Speaks Publicly about her personal story
Published on Oct 13, 2016
Jessica Leeds has spoken in detail about her 'assault' by Donald Trump
The 74-year-old sat down for an interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper
Leeds says the incident took place in 1979 and lasted 'about 15 minutes'
'(He kissed me) all over, wherever he could find a landing spot,' she said
'He was grabbing my breasts and trying to turn me towards him,' she said
Leeds is one of six women who have accused Trump of assault in just days
Trump has strongly denied the allegations and plans to sue media outlets
He told supporters on Thursday it was an orchestrated attack against him
Daily Mail

At the present time, over 50% of the youtube comments are calling Jessica Leeds a liar and worse. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

COMING OUT AS BEING DIFFERENT

~ FROM EXPECTATIONS INSIDE A FAMILY 

Growing up, I never heard a conversation about gay people, only a stray comment in my family. It was easy to glean from this, that it was "forbidden" or in the least, unacceptable to think being gay is natural. As an adult, it became clear that homosexuality is totally unacceptable inside my family. I, personally, accept that no one chooses, but is born, whatever way you and I are. Being born straight, being born other than straight, weren't supposed to be thought of as equally acceptable in my family.

I have been the outsider inside my family. I didn't choose this role. It was appointed by my family members. Seems like for the whole of my life. Because I am different in what I believe. And don't believe. To me, whatever way a person is, is equally acceptable. Saying this inside my family, actually takes courage. Seems like this shouldn't be true, at my age. But age doesn't change your family's expectations. 

For me, human rights is an important issue: acceptance, welcoming. Encouraging. I want to be a part of a world that doesn't make 13 or 18 year olds, someone of any age, feel they aren't fully worthy of acceptance for who they are. The result of society, religion or family judgment can easily become anxiety, depression, or suicide.



I love being fully present, fully me. Fully alive. The isolation, the alienation, the despair to have to hide who I am, because who I am doesn't fit the acceptable person, others deem me to project, can easily suck the vibrant life out of me. Being myself inside my family has never been easy. I'm considered to be a sinner. Not by me. Just by the others in the family.

A child is just a child. No child says, I think I will be heterosexual. Or something else. Being born into a world that decides who is and isn't acceptable due to things that by birth are what they are, can create a confusing world and a hole that is hard to live in. I want to be part of a world that loves people for who they are. And supports, honors, appreciates, heals, not denigrates or dismisses souls. That is a world we can dream of only if every soul is welcome, nurtured to truly, wholly, be who they are born to be.


There are choices. We can choose to love with judgment or choose to love without judgment. But love that judges cripples. We make decisions every day that bring light to the world. Or contribute to the world - by way of speech and behavior - that creates an atmosphere that is inhibiting or limiting to someone else.


I am coming out to say this deliberately. Because remaining in the background is to be part of the problem of which many young people feel unaccepted, alienated and have to hide their true feelings. I feel this is not healthy mentally, which follows, is not healthy physically. Because I also think mind and body health is connected and one affects the other.




The article Russell Tovey - the unlikely lad is 3 years old. 
Excerpt from the article: At school he always had girlfriends. It was only when he got into his mid-teens that he realised they didn't do that much for him, that he was attracted to boys. "Looking back, I always knew. But you don't really know till you get to a point where you go, oh, that's what makes me happier." At 18, he came out to his family and his father tried to talk him out of it. "My dad was of that generation where it's changeable if you get it early enough."


How would he have changed you? "Hormone therapy or shock treatment, all of these horror things that you watch. You see, they had all this Aids thing. It was all, 'Don't die of ignorance.' My nan thought being gay was a disease. It's just a generational, educational thing. And Dad was like, 'I wish you would have told us sooner because we would have done something about it.'" Were you surprised by the reaction? "No, I was prepared for it." Was it based on prejudice or fear? "Not knowing. Not knowing anybody else who is gay, not experiencing it, hearing of people dying of Aids and seeing, say, Larry Grayson on TV and thinking, that's it. Seeing gay men appear in stories in which they were miserable and sad. And I think he felt sad and worried for me, that I'd have a terrible life if I made this choice. And he thought it was a choice, because being straight is so natural, why would you want to be anything different from that?"


It's touching how determined Tovey is to understand his family's fears of his sexuality. "You want your kids to be perfect and at that time it felt like it was an imperfection. Whereas now a lot of people are like [enthusiastic voice], 'Are you? Cool! Well, make sure you look after yourself.' It seems like it's a different time. I sense that with younger generations, when they have after-school clubs where they talk about being gay. I meet a lot of kids who've come out at school, and I'm like, 'What! You came out at school! Did you get bullied?' 'No!'" He smiles. He's just remembered something that amuses him. "My mum used to think it was the pill that made you gay. There was too much estrogen in the water, and people started taking the pill in the 60s and it made everybody gay.

Personally, I believe this world is still homophobic. I know my family is. Can you imagine, if those of us who are heterosexual had to have the conversation with our parents that we are heterosexual? Though, I didn't have the pressure for that conversation, I still managed to be the one in exile from the family. Anyone who stepped outside the limits of my family's beliefs had to make it on her own. I don't regret it, in the end. But, it allows me to have a little understanding of anyone who has had to make their own way. 



September 16, 2016, I started a facebook page Russell Tovey Planet 


My previous blog

I now blog about Rafa Nadal exclusively at Rafa Nadal Bring Back Sleeveless